I got a lovely note from mrissa regarding one of La Jeune Hatbox's favorite books. In the note, Mris said something to the effect of Little Miss Hatbox (a previous moniker for LJH) not being all that little anymore. (She's closing in on sixteen. When I began this blog, she wasn't quite three.) I am prone to the odd fit of mawkish "I can't believe she's nearly grown" sentimentality, but I will try not to go on about it here.

Right now she's joyfully obsessed with the musical "Hamilton," and I recommend the soundtrack if you like hiphop music and American history.

This week she and Mirth painted her room (she chose a nice white), and I rearranged the craft room again. Right now only half of the craft room is the least bit functional, but that's more than before I started.

Happy New Year.

Yesterday's card was Hope, but I didn't have time to write. Today's card is "Mitzvot." Mitzvot (plural of mitzvah) means Commandments. Colloquially, "mitzvah" has come to mean good deeds, whether they are literal Biblical commandments or just being nice to someone.

Either of these would be a pretty easy prompt for me right now, but I'll try and link them. Today I have more time because Mirth (my beloved Mr. Hatbox) is sick. I'm going to get kind of esoteric, though I don't want this to become that kind of blog. I promise to try and tie this together.

TL;DR edition: This is a dark time in so many ways, both literally and figuratively. We still have a couple more weeks before the days getting longer, and today we have heavy wind and rain around here. And discourse... well. Anyone half-listening to the news doesn't need me to comment on that. So. Here's a relevant commandment that makes me hopeful, in a translation that strives to stay close to the original Hebrew: "Now when there sojourns with you a sojourner in your land, you are not to maltreat him; like the native-born among you shall he be to you, the sojourner that sojourns with you, be-loving to him (as one) like yourself, for sojourners were you in the land of Egypt. I am The Eternal your God." (Leviticus 19:33-34)

Still here? OK. Here we go:
I'm a Reform Jew. Because of that, I do get to pick and choose the customs that have personal meaning to me. I can choose to keep Kosher (or not) and make compromises (or not) about how to observe the Sabbath in the modern world... but I am required to work toward healing this world. That's not optional. It means many different things to many different people, but by the Reform Jewish perspective as I understand it, it's about kindness, social action, and inclusion. It makes a lot of sense to me, this idea that changing things for the better is way more important than whether I avoid cheeseburgers.

I told you back in January (only two posts ago. Sorry--I've been busy this year) that there was drama when we switched rabbis. Our previous rabbi had not had a passion for social action, and didn't seem to see it as his problem that nobody else was pushing for action beyond the occasional canned-food drive.

Our current rabbi has a very different point of view. She is very much about the social action. So... now we are Doing More. Talking about situations where the world needs to be healed, in ways that make a lot of sense to me. In ways that feel ...holier, even.

In I/Thou, Martin Buber wrote something to the effect that you can relate to others as individuals--an I/Thou (I/You, depending on your translation of choice) relationship, or as things to further our own objectives, i.e. an I/It relationship. He also says that when we focus on our relationship directly with God, we lose important aspects of that relationship, and perceive God merely as an It to be used for our own ends. However, when we focus on our I/You relationships/connections with other people in mundane day-to-day circumstances, God becomes part of that connection.

This might feel like a change of subject but it isn't, not really:

Right now I'm reading Chimera, which is the third book in the Parasitology trilogy by Mira Grant (aka seanan_mcguire. There are aspects of the trilogy that tie into the way I've been thinking about religion, because the main character, Sal, has a connection to other characters because of pheromones and spoilers.

(Still here? Stay with me!) Anyway, once she becomes aware of that connection, it ties into so many of her actions. She tries to be kind and sympathetic, even in kill-or-be-killed situations. She tries to understand others' points of view, and treats that connection with a reverence that is near-holy, and that empathy, connection, and reverence seem to me to be what will help her save the world (though I don't know for sure because I haven't finished the book yet) from the people (and zombies) who see everyone and everything as an It they can use to further their own ends.

I bet when she started writing about about tapeworms that turn people into zombies, she didn't expect that someone would see it as a religious metaphor.

At some point I got sucked into the obstacle course/swamp that is Facebook, and I'm still trying to pull my way out of it. But I might need to start writing again, so here I am. I saw some friends recently whom I used to see on LJ years and years ago, and the experience of catching up with them reminded me of how much I enjoyed writing and reading here.

Recently I was at a conference, and I bought these lovely cards by the artist, Joanne Fink. I'd heard about them from another attendee, and I decided not to buy them because I was sure they would be entertaining for five minutes and then sit in the bottom of a drawer. Somehow I wound up buying them anyway.

My deck has actually been surprisingly useful to me--sort of a cross between Oblique Strategies and the I Ching. I draw a card at random nearly every day, and use that word as a guide for the day or so. Sometimes it's an obvious parallel; for example, the day I was very angry at someone and happened to draw "Forgiveness." Sometimes it gives me direction, such as the day the card was "Learning" and I devoted it to organizing lessons for kids whom I tutor.

Last night I drew "Enlighten." It didn't ring any bells for me. I haven't had any sort of Aha moment about it. But in trying to figure it out, I decided that the cards would also make good writing prompts for LJ posts. Such as this one.

Did I really fall off the LJ wagon in July? How can that be? Oof.

Facebook is like a baby... wants attention constantly for teeny little things. LJ is an old friend, but like an old friend, it's easy to fall out of touch unless I make an effort. I need to start making more of an effort.

So. The new rabbi started at my synagogue. Membership is up significantly. Huzzah! But wow, what an autumn. Imagine that the new rabbi comes in and says, "Better to light a candle than curse the darkness," and gets ready to strike a match. And someone would warn her that there has always been [ETA: metaphorically speaking!] a leaky propane tank in that closet over there. "Well, that's silly place to keep the propane," she would say. "Better fix the leaky tank, because this room needs light." and sometimes there would be a war between the people who wanted the propane out of the closet and the people who wanted to leave things as they had always been. There have been changes. Some propane tanks got fixed. Some propane tanks fell on people's feet and they have been hopping around, angry that anyone made them move anything. And there was at least one case in which someone left the propane tank in the closet, and insisted post-boom that the match should never have been struck, or the warning was said wrong, or there wasn't enough lead time, and therefore it was the rabbi's fault that there was a boom.

And me? I'm [still metaphorically] on the team in charge of first aid and sweeping up. Also, strumming ukeleles and singing the blues.

Gotta run; I'll tell you more later.

Hank Green came to town with many musicians, all of whom were wonderful. La Jeune Hatbox is a huge fan of Hank and his brother John, so as soon as the tour was announced she asked that we buy tickets. So we did. We had a wonderful time, and enjoyed the music, and bought albums and posters and whatnot.

We had been listening to the latest album for about a month (LJH's much-begged for birthday present back in May) so their excellence was no surprise. But...the opening bands were amazing, and of a level that--let's be honest here--you don't always get from opening bands.

I had never heard of Rob Scallon, Andrew Huang, or Driftless Pony Club before. Scallon and Huang each provided moments that left me open-mouthed with amazement.

Driftless Pony Club... well, the sound mix made the lyrics hard to hear, and did not do them any favors so I was left cold. But LJH played the album ("Buckminster") for me the next day (which is much, much better than I would have guessed from what I heard in the club) and started explaining all these facts about Buckminster Fuller and everything she'd been reading about his life and work and why it makes sense that all the songs sound about the same and what the lyrics mean. I really can't fault a band that is inspired by (and gets my kid excited about) genius mathematicians.

And in other news regarding culture... LJH is into horror right now. We are bringing her up right, and she agrees: Vampires Do Not Sparkle. She is working her way through Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and we have been enjoying some rather non-standard family movie nights, involving such fare as Evil Dead 2, Cabin In The Woods, and Doc of the Dead (a terrific documentary about zombie movies).

Oh, and Mirth and I saw the restored version of Hard Day's Night last night. That was fun! And I hear that Stop Making Sense is being restored, and is coming to Seattle in a few weeks. I now get to be one of those people who say, "I remember seeing that in theaters the first time around." (La Jeune Hatbox had an obsession with Stop Making Sense when she was a preschooler. I need to find the construction-paper "book" she made of the opening sequence to the movie. I think I absolutely must take her to this...)

Hi everyone...

So, it's been kind of eventful --the short form of what happened is that people persist in being themselves. Right now everything is pretty good. We have lots of people in our community who are good and supportive. There was drama, but not right now, and we're back to good-and-supportive and people being themselves in sometimes annoying but mostly good ways.

I don't know whether I'm going to start keeping this up again. I might.

Here's what I've been up to:

• Family!
  
  • La Jeune Hatbox is going into 9th grade. 9th grade, people! High school! Teen stuff! She's reasonably sensible, which is a relief. And we share similar tastes in media, which is also a relief. I'm so glad we don't have one of those contentious "everything you listen to is noise!" relationships.
  • Mirth is okay as long as he doesn't accidentally eat something that makes him sick. Sometimes he makes the choice to eat the wrong thing and pays the price, but as that cause/effect thing gets more apparent, he's making better choices and generally doing well.
  • And the dog... she's a dog. She is cheerful and smart and wacky. She steals socks from the laundry room and buries them in the backyard. Clean or dirty, it doesn't matter. Our socks are just that wonderful that they must be buried.
    
  • Mom is doing OK. We've been helping her go through Pop's stuff. She's throwing herself into social activities, and seems to be holding up pretty well, all things considered. And we all miss Pop. We've gotten past the first Father's Day without him and the first of his birthdays since he's been gone... The blooms on my hardy fuchsia bush are about to open and now I will have to go through the first season of that without him too. I didn't have the heart to plant a garden this year. Gardening without him... I'm not ready for that yet. And so it goes.
  
  
• Music! I have been getting more into conducting the temple choir (the previous conductor left. Did I mention that drama happened and people were themselves? There ya go.) I have been learning more modern Jewish music and I'm excited about sharing it and teaching it to the choir. I went to a conference in Wisconsin and it was wonderful.
  
• Other Jewish stuff! The previous rabbi left and the new rabbi is in. I am now the VP of the board of our congregation. I really like the new rabbi and I really like the way the new president thinks and I think we'll have some great synergy once we all get up to speed. I am still studying Torah with LJH's former bat mitzvah tutor and that has been a really great experience too. I really like Ruz and really enjoy her friendship and learning with her.
  
• Business... okay, not much is going on there. All these other things are taking up a lot of my focus. I am not sure if I should care much. Right now I'm happy just puttering along very part-time for now.
  
• And of course, my own health. I'm making sure to eat right and take my meds (which continue to work well for me) and get some exercise--not enough to lose weight right now, but enough to keep me in reasonably good shape for the shape I'm in.
  

So, that's my life. All in all, things are very good. What's up with you?

After the bad week, things got better. Easier to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning and putter inside the house and out in the yard, and make hopeful plans.

We had snow on Saturday night! I know, I know, everyone's got snow these days. But we had a marvelous Saturday night snow that actually stuck! We got about 2 inches here. At first the puppy was scared--what is this white stuff? Where did the deck go? Where is my dirt? But then she figured it out, and was happy to chase snowballs and galumph about. I wish I had video of her, but I was the one throwing snowballs so I couldn't stop and photograph anything. You'll just have to take my word for it. By Monday morning the roads were clear again, and it's just gotten milder and milder.

Today the air smells like spring, all sweet and hopeful.

We have now reached the part of grieving where I tend to sit around a lot and not get much done and burst into tears unexpectedly for no reason.

As near as I can tell, the main difference between having this reaction with crappy brain chemistry and having it with corrected brain chemistry is that I don't feel that I suck at life for having this reaction. It's a fine distinction but I'll take it.

Happy slightly-belated New Year!

We had one of the nastiest Decembers in recent history. We had barely recovered from Pop's funeral when other close friends experienced horrible events. Deaths and missing persons and bad diagnoses and more hospice and... oh, December.

Three funerals in one month is too many. It is also TOO MUCH. (The missing person was found after a week. She is fine.)

So here we are, in January. Christmas and New Years were just... kinda bleah. But we are getting back to a routine, and that's always a good feeling, even if the New Normal is conspicuously missing some people.

Thank goodness for the puppy. There have been times in the past month when our family consisted of exhausted grownups and an easily-nettled teenager. What we needed most in the world was a puppy to lick our faces and make us go for walks and play catch with a squeaky toy.

1. Now that the bat mitzvah is done, I have 7 hours more time in my schedule (including lessons, commuting to lessons, and reminding LJH to practice her Hebrew and listening to her practice). Plus... I don't have to lead a scout troop this year, so that's another hour every week (make that at least two, counting prep time). Eight more hours a week, for both LJH and me! That's an extra workday, right there.
   
   So.... less stress on LJH. Less stress on me. And more puppy cuteness.



2. My brother was unable to come out for the event, because his evil ex was being excessively rigid. Fortunately he and his girlfriend were able to change their tickets to the weekend by my birthday. UNfortunately that was the weekend when I came down with a very nasty crud, so they couldn't stay with me (but they were able to stay at Mom & Pop's, so that was OK) and I couldn't see them at all for the first few days (except by Skyping with them). Fortunately I was able to see them eventually and Mom got more time with them so that was good. Unfortunately Pop's been sick lately with some mystery illness (tests later this week) so they perhaps weren't exactly prepared for guests. But it all worked out.



3. This weekend we started taking the pup for hikes. I can see this becoming a habit.



4. We also went to a pumpkin patch (without the puppy) and got pumpkins for pie and carving. It's decorative gourd season, yo.



5. Edited: Oven update! We'd been trying to figure out what to do about the oven's Dreaded F7 Error, which we had pretty much written off as "broken" and were trying to decide whether to ignore, repair, or replace.^* The repair sounded expensive (and we could be looking at a repeat somewhere down the line) but then I found a page explaining an underlying design problem that is often the cause... and a fix involving a piece of paper between two things that short out. Insulation--it's a good thing! (So far it's been good for a couple days now. Fingers crossed!)

^*the appliance version of the "bed, marry, kill" game.